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02 February 2011 @ 08:44 pm
I Need Me Some Reflective Journalling.  

My Dins. And not forgetting, Crispy Golden Balls. ♥.


Oh dear I was so stupid. Reflecting back on the every single silly action taken last year, overreacting at things, guess my mind was not at one piece at one point. I seriously do not know how many times I actually called myself stupid today, but perhaps that is really a sign that I should at least make an effort to change. I'm an imperfect girl, and I really should not be all I-am-like-this-either -take-it-or-leave-it-yadda-yadda-yadda.Yesh, everyone has their flaws, it's silly to embrace your own flaws because trust me, embracing it is not the easy way out. Flaws and imperfections are definitely not pleasant to others. If I do not make an effort to change, I will lose everybody I love; friends, family members; even loved ones. Gah. Maybe things were actually meant to be at one point, but blabby mouth me ended up turning people off, for the 12567635267th time. I screw things up. I reaped what I sowed. I am to be blamed, definitely, but then again I have no time for regrets and what-ifs. It is already too late. They call it the Gemini factor? NAH I AM JUST A TERRIBLE PERSON. Oh wells. The last 12 months was a pretty rushed one, when actions and my brain did not correlate, when feelings took over conscience. I nearly lost the ones I love, and I really do not want the same thing to happen again. Those sent HELP ME SOS messages reminded me of how foolish I was. And those sleepless nights; the tears shed along the way, the late-night phone calls. If they were ever to repeat again, I don't think I would able to bear the consequences that follow. Again.

I wish I could knock my head against the wall and suffer temporary amnesia, and forget the stuff that are bound to be forgotten. Nah. Impossible la silly. *headdesks*

Hopefully it is not too late to change? It is the New Year, after all. To move on from the mess created that even left a huge mark on me mentally, emotionally and even physically.

Time for some calming tea session with mummy and daddy.

Happy Year of the Rabbit Everybody. May joy and laughter fill YY's tiny little comfort zone-slash bubble for the 365 days to come. I can hope; I can definitely hope. :')


Full speed ahead.


[mood| still-verythe-freakin unproductive; and it just got worse.]
[music| Still "Misguided Ghosts" Paramore.]